Living Behind A Mask

Do the people close to you know who you are without your mask?

I have lived my life wearing a mask my family have no idea of what goes in my head, most of the time I have no idea either.  If you asked my family they would say that I was very good at talking to people and settling problems, that I could get tough if needed but the truth is that it actually makes me physically sick in my gut and very anxious. I am always trying to make sure that there is peace and no conflict. I can not stand people not getting on with each other, I don’t give my opinion to people in case I am wrong and look stupid even when my gut says do it. It is tiring!

When married I blended in with my then husbands personality and lost myself being a mother and wife and all things involved in rising a family. Then the marriage broke down and now the kids have nearly all left home, I realise that I have not a freaking clue on who the hell I am and I am scared shitless about if I can actually live life as myself.

It has taken a few years to even get to this point, where I can finally get what is in my head out of it. Learning to go with my gut is still an issue with me, only because of my insecurity on what I am capable of the FEAR that tries to rule my life. This is what keeps stopping me from living the life that I want but I keep subconsciously sabotaging one way or another.

This is all just shit that I have created in my world to try and survive, now I know my subconscious is a big place that hides crap that can makes us only half live. It is sort of like a huge hospital that you need to find your way around. You need guidance, if possible a map and even then you don’t see all the unseen stimuli that is making us react to.

If you would like to find out a little more about what your personality might be just pop in and do the free test below from Moving Forward Australia. I am a Type 9 on the Enneagram and learning about this has helped with my growth and an understanding of the people in my life and around me.

Free Personality Test HERE

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